Turn Worried Parents Into College Essay Allies

How many times has a parent called you, worried or angry, after reading their child’s college essay? The essay you worked hard on together. The essay the student is proud of. The essay that reflects that student’s voice and demonstrates appropriate 17-year-old student reflection.

The concerns go something like this…

How could you let her write about tennis? Everyone knows sports stories are cliche. She was part of a team that discovered a new molecule last summer. Why didn’t she write about that??

This essay sounds so immature! He’ll never get into [fill in the blank prestigious school] with such a childish personal statement. I thought you would edit his work and help him get an advantage.

I showed the essay to [my sister, a famous editor at a fancy magazine / our next door neighbor who teaches at Super Exclusive U / six relatives who have opinions about everything under the sun] and they say my child should start over. This essay is not unique enough.

We’ve been there too. Fortunately, we’ve figured out how to prevent most of those calls, by getting ahead of the stress and keeping parents on track throughout the coaching process.

Here’s how we do it:

1. Set Expectations: Before essay coaching begins, be very clear about what your process entails. We tell parents that we emphasize process, plan, and schedule. They are reserving time on a coaches schedule, and during that time, the student will get the coach’s undivided attention. That means, however, that the student needs to stay on track. We also emphasize that we are coaches and essay reviewers, not editors. Student voice matters. We will guard it fiercely.

2. Emphasize Characteristics: Once a student chooses a topic and has a theme for their Common App personal statement (in our world, that’s during Step 5), we send an email to the parent updating them on the student’s progress. We don’t tell them what the essay is “about.” Instead, we tell them which characteristics the essay illustrates, along with how those characteristics will enhance the application.

3. Provide Ongoing Guidance: When the student is almost done revising, we send another email to the parent with detailed tips for reading the essay. Here’s an excerpt from that email:

Remember that at its core, the college essay is all about reflection. It’s a thinking task as much as a writing task. It provides students an opportunity to show people who may never meet them just what kind of person they are. While there is no rubric for a good essay, the most effective ones – the ones that stand out – share a few common features. Regardless of the prompt, an effective essay:

– Answers the prompt.

– Showcases a positive trait or characteristic.

– Sounds like the high school student who wrote it.

– Illustrates something meaningful about the student.

– Demonstrates reflection.

If you read the essay and love it, please tell your child everything you think is wonderful about it. If have any questions, or think it could be different or better, please talk to me first before you say anything to them! I doubt that will happen, but sometimes parent expectations don’t match what admissions officers are looking for, and negative feedback can be demoralizing to a student who has worked so hard on an essay they are proud of.

Now is the time to set parents on the right track so they can be your allies and support their children as they write their application essays.